for a moment “
You know sometimes you hurt inside and it feels as if your heart is crying out for something more than just your existence on the big blue round thing that spins around and around . I have learned through consultations with those apparently with Qualifications that simply by choosing to ignore negative anything . I learned to assess each item on its merits and then throw it to the back of my mind for processing .
Processing !!!!! … Well here a scenario of how I do it and I hope you may all be able to relate to the process and be able to use it for your selves or others .. and it will allow me to show some of my writing to you .. Modest am I ?? NOT!! …
Having a Moment ….
He sat there and looked at himself . He had just walked 5 kilometres through the rain in little more than a pair of trousers he wore on special occasions and a shirt which was given to him by his son one fathers day that was probably two sizes too big . The trousers looked more like Pantaloons now that you may see on a pirate !!! … The colour a muddied grey and brown the marks on the pockets evident of a struggle ..The shirt an open neck boat shirt which when first given to him was actually a glorious shade of white .. Now a mish mash of brown . charcoal and baby poo yellow …
He sat there laughing to him self quietly and crying out in his mind as he surveyed his surroundings … Where was he ?? A place not familiar in this world at least to him … He noticed a little boy further ahead on a rock .. just gazing out on an ocean and light house on the edge of a peninsula Around him. He was now a little aware and realised what ever dream he was in it had been carefully orchestrated for him to take stock of a few things …
He then opened his eyes a little wider and wiped the first layer of mud off his face and looked closely at the boy who now was becoming more and more familiar .. he saw he was just as still as the sky which was now becoming a little calmer . He then looked at the sea that was swirling around in the distance .. His mind was trying to make sense of the scene around him and the more he thought about it the bigger the wave got the worse the rain would beat down on him and the less clear the sky would be .. ..
He needed so much to get warm but the more he pushed his mind in to a warm place an energy around him would either radiate too much heat or simply heighten the feeling of disappointment … He tried then to gather his thought and wonder just how to solve the puzzle in and around his moment he was having ..
He began thinking to what was happening simultaneously in the reality of life in his other ego driven , approval seeking , and sad world to where he sometimes lived . . He thought about moments where he was chastised for his thoughts , his opinions , his ideas .. he thought about times when he was trodden on verbally through out his life and then looked around at the surroundings as he was doing so … as a storm brewed around him
His mind was stretching and he was now crying out to any one who would hear him .. it was hurting and he could feel blood on his face from the pain of the anger coming through .. the more he directly laid blame on him self the worse the pain would get .. as the storm got worse and his body which now was now being overloaded with manifestations of low energy was engulfing like a vice on his mind ..
His mind now raging he shifted his consciousness to how much love he didn't have for him self and as the storm blew around him he saw his life as a sequence of moments where he chose to let others take away his own preservation , integrity , thoughtfulness , divinity . he saw times when he probably should have not been so weak when he should have been a little more confident in himself .
As he was analysing these memories and experiences the eye of the storm passed over him and he felt for the first time in this moment that he had some control .. his mind was a little clearer . He knew that the storm would return soon though .. they always did .. some how these experiences were lining up before him and presenting him with new words and new thoughts of Hope , deflection , not his problem to worry , out of his control , not personal , they are just venting , he didn't t create it ,
His bloodied face and battered hands looked to the clear white sky and with the clarity of mind that needed to be cleansed he exclaimed ….
“ I love me ,,,,, I love me ,,,,, I love me and not oneThe blood on his his body intensified and he struggled to breathe, He fell too his knees and reached out with his arms as the storm returned but he continued his sermon to the ether above
person or other entity can ever ever cease to
make me feel this way .. My love for me is strong
and enduring and it would not matter how many
demons out there try to take this love from me it
will neve leave me !!!!
NEVER !!!!!!!!!! “”
“”” And while you continue to throw my mind memories or events which weaken me I will continue to Love myself even more !! until my soul returns to its rightful place to protect me along my journey to happiness …. No more will the evils of my mind allow me to live below my expectations . And any thing negative used as a defence against me I will simply process and evaluate the consequence .. So what ever Force you have in side your tiny chasm take your leave now !!! Coz I haven't got time and have a life to live … with a wonderful family and a wonderful experience of future happiness ….. I will not let any thing stop me from moving forward … So take your filthy black storm clouds out of my mind and choose to love your self too…. “”
“ Be gone “
“ I love me and my strength to endure all is here now “
“ I Love me and am ready to accept al the universe has to offer “
He looked up and to his amazement found him self seeing a bright blue sun and and a serenade of Angels above him . He could feel some thing in side him buzzing !!! . He stood up and felt love . Love like never before . the storm had passed . The angels enveloped him and told him that all as in hand with his life now . He lifted his hand to the sky and as tears rolled down his cheeks simply said
“ I choose to love me and choose to thank all those whom are in my life Yesterday , Today and Tomorrow and will learn all I can to be all I can now ….””
The little boy on the rock was not there any more but he could feel his spirit inside him again and the clothes he had on as he entered this moment were now clean ready for new memories and new moments to cherish for the rest of his life ……in peace with infinite love and gratitude for all that may follow in his life …….
Gary Darbyshire © 2010 ….. Copyright
comments appreciated bless you all….Gary