Monday, March 29, 2010

3 weeks 38 years and 3000 memories that mean I love you Dad ..

3 weeks 38 years and 3000 memories that mean I love you Dad ..

Next time you say good bye to your Son   Hug him tightly and tell him just how much you love him and neve ever forget it ……

The opportunity to hug or embrace my son as his Dad is one I always treasure. Whether it is to tell him good luck in his pursuits, whether it is to say Sorry for some thing I have said or to console him for something he has done or has been affected by and just needs hid dads reassurance that every thing is ok.

The gentle touch we give our children ,   that shows just how much we care.  The times we are there for them in their lives when they   really just want some one to talk to . The birthdays , the holidays , the days when they are so so angry with the world and no matter what we say to them its all out fault and how dare we interfere in their lives and yet a few hours later they are laughing and carrying on as if nothing has happened .

The  first school day , the first girlfriend , their fist goal scored at soccer on a wet windy day at  a sportsground that is not even covered . The moments of pure admiration when they graduate from high school ,  and the pride we have as a parents when we se them helping others ads if it is just second nature .

The crying when you send them too their room for something they did wrong   feeling in your heart  that may be you were too harsh but they needed to learn right from wrong . 

Now imagine for a moment if you never got to experience that as a dad or never  received it from your Dad …   After 38 years I began to experience some of those things.

In my last   story  , I told you all about my experiences and feeling as I flew up to meet my dad . I was asked to write a follow up but before I wrote it I thought it important to set the scene so you all could appreciate at a deeper level what most Dad s take for granted..   

So what happened after thirty eight years?  Well for the first few days we talked and talked and talked .. I had so many questions to ask of him I wanted to know why he left? . I wanted to know what happened between him and my mother,   and I really wanted to know , if he really loved me after so long and living so far away in England .

Those questions were foremost in my mind. As we talked so many emotions bubbled away inside me and as we spoke so many memories of my child hood  came flooding back  . Almost as quickly as they came so did the tears . tears streaming down my face emotions coming back to visit me from days gone by . I  guess after such a long time my love for him was still there and it had decided to show  its self  over a dew hot  steamy days  in Brissie .






I  knew now that he had not abandoned me , I knew now that hew needed to go so my life would be a better one . I also knew that he cried so hard for may weeks . he told me that when he boarded the plane in Sydney to leave his children behind that he said to some one next to him on the plane that he had just said good bye to his family for the last time and thought he would never ever get to hold them or kiss them good night , that he would never be able to laugh with them and he would never be able to be there for them ever ..


I also knew how it had affected me emotionally over these years an how I had suffered  emotionally in the way I  am in my life . I also new that my tears would be happier ones now as I held him as my dad again after so  so  long ..

Over the few weeks of him being here we got to know each other   a little more ,  we spent  a week camping and he was able to meet my so so caring wife and children . the  grand children he never knew as little babies so he never had the chance to know them until now as teenagers .   This was a little strange but he coped .


My wife spent time with him and go to know   more of the deep and meaningful stuff and used her womanly nurturing skills to make him warm in side again .  Even if it meant accidentally walking to  a nudist beach near our camp site  and being totally surprised with what  lay before them ..  They had no idea that the other and of the camping beach was reserved for such activities ????

As many of you here are aware I am a singer and by some sort of co incidence so is my Dad . How amazing !!! While in Brisbane we sang together in front of a packed café in Brisbane’s beach suburbs .. Yep after 38 years between drinks we sang together at a gig with another singer for 35 minutes ..  We sang ballads , blues and a few barber shop sort of songs .  You see my dad sang in pubs and clubs singing Perry Como covers and the crooners songs of the sixties , seventies and eighties ..  He also stopped after a dark spot there with depression and vowed never to sing again until finally in that café in Brisbane I brought him back in to the light , those coincidences  again ..

While staying with my family I showed him many of the old haunts he used to know and also a few places which brought back some dark memories he realty needed to confront .  Also bringing back a few I didn’t even know I had my self ..



After thirty eight years , three weeks and countless memories shared and songs played it was time for him to go . I drove him to the airport with probably   the most sombre mood I had been in .  It was time to say good bye .  We pulled to the side of the road and I knew then that once again after thirty eight years it was time to go . My emotions were   peaking, my eyes were filling up and I was ready to cry out

“Don’t go   Dad, Don’t leave us, please not again???!!!!!

“   Don’t leave us again “”

“We love you “ ..

But this time it was different I hugged him because I knew he wasn’t. I kissed him on the cheek as my dad used to kiss me and simply said

“Thank you Dad ,  Thank you for coming , see you soon “  I love you mate

My Dad hugged me and simply said

“ I love you now and have always loved you ,  see you soon Gary “

And with that he was gone from my life … but this time hopefully for not as long ..

So next time you see your son or see you dad give them a little hug and tell them just how much you love them .. no matter what ..

Till next time

Happy Easter

Gary Darbyshire




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