Sunday, January 10, 2010

“” Depression Repression and Regression I’m ready for it all in 2010 Bring it on !! “”

Amazing how one trigger can hurtle you back to another place and time .. for me it is like a time machine .. I see every thing and feel every thing as It happens .. A little scary .. I am   being careful to reflect carefully and learn from this surreal experience

My blog site is great for this .. but respect must be given at all times , and  after spending time with my Dad after decades of repressed memories .  I am learning how wonderful I am just by being me and not trying to be someone who

“” Seeks approval 

or

    Needs validation “”

That I need not fear rejection or abandonment and that I have a wonderful caring family and am slowly coming to grips with all my family.  and how for a time there I was in a misconceived world thinking every one was better than me and that I was not as good as them or rich as them or smart as them

You know I am good with all that . My depression has helped me to learn about me !!!!
As my journey continues I would like to take you all back on the main path again ..  
My life path is changing for the first time not to long ago I actually had a clear mind .  I sang and heard my self and I sounded good …  No  I m not going on X factor or Idol or going to try to emulate  Susan Boyle ,  but I think my chorus I  sing with will benefit  by my heart strings not as attached to my vocal chords as they used to be ,,,

There is so much to love about the world I live in . When your depressed or living in a dark place as I was . you don't want  to know or care what others say . for me it was like I was

“” Being

Strangled “”

I think my family thought I had left them and rejected them 

If they only  be they knew what I  was going through may they didn't  may be I wanted to  reach out of the bubble I was in but was comatosed in such a way that I could not rationalise .. could not breathe ..

The more I tried to reach out the
harder my mind fell in on itself




Note to family : 


" I am trying to reach out to you all
with a new understanding  and love for all I have let down " 

Feedback from readers
It is encouraging as I write of my journey that your feedback has been there to keep me going .
  • I had one fan who looked at the irony of my fathers leaving with the fact that her father didn’t .
  • A fan who related to her childhood of abuse
  • A fan who serves in the marine corps and writes truly wonderful dialogue
  • I have enjoyed also other spiritual optimism  given to me and even the promise of hugs from a far
  • One reader who works in the area of counselling was helpful in making me realise how important it is to heal carefully with my memories and made me feel special as a human   ( thank you so much you know who you are )
  • Yes I will be publishing a book . I have 5 prologues and will share snippets with you all through the course of writing   Oh and I have 3 endings or further opportunities for sequels ...  

Any publishers out there   I AM HERE !!! 

My Poetry of 20 years


I have been writing since the age of 15 and have kept a manuscript dating back to 1978 . I intend to share some of my work . I now read it with a whole new perspective given those regressed memories . I wrote then to keep my self

Safe from the fire burning around my mind and helped myself mentally by dousing my mental demons with words of pain to make them go away


So that's what is going on right now .. If you have any feedback please write to me or leave your comments here or on my face book blog ..  Thank you to all of you for staying on the journey with me so far and I look forward to lifting the world spirits in 2010 on my journey back to happiness

God bless you all .... And thank you all for your words of wisdom , kindness and ..

We are blessed to be just who we are ... cherish each breath you take and no matter your belief act from your heart

Sincere regards
Gary Darbyshire
Author , creator : Journey back to Happiness


cavalier

That's is not me .. My ears a bigger and my tongue hangs out !!!

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