Sunday, January 24, 2010

Smile :D

Smile ...:D

Songs like this one can make a difference to your mood . Amazing how a sad song can make you feel better and amazing how when you have had a little cry you sometimes feel better ..

I guess what I am trying to say is that when I was down in the dumps I would often put inspirational music on to help me feel better . Most times it worked . not always though ..

Michael Jackson love him or hate him made a " kind "  contribution to music in the world when often there would be turmoil and often when we would think why ??

 I chose this song today not so much because Michael sang a version of it but because It was a song that always lifted me .

So if your down today and reading this . I hope this song lifts you some what in to a better mood if only for a while ...


Thursday, January 21, 2010

Barbershop song to take away the blues...

As a barbershop singer it is not always serious stuff...

Songs like these give you a lift literally . so if you feeling a little down .. and need a pick me up have a sing and have a sun shiny day ...

Is this video rellevant .. Yes . I guarantee you will al laugh ...if you dont ..   " I tried "

sung in four part harmony .

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

V is for Victim and G is for Grace ( Back to the journey )

( BACK TO THE JOURNEY ) .. Re runs are officially over .. 

Wollongong beach near my home 

Memories of Sessions with Dr Katz .. My resident Psych ..

Forgive me  readers for I have lingered from the journey , the real reason I have this blog . I thought it important for you all to get to know me a little . Through the last month or so our Summer holiday season here in The  land down under.  I have been a little remiss and have just posted a few things to keep appearances  as well as a few updates on my father . for the 30 or so new members here see my earlier posts on reunion with my dad in the  December Archives . ..

Now  where were we before summer came .???   Oh yes


Once  I realised I had an issue .  I thought it important for my own sanity to visit some one who specialised in this area . So the next few posts we will talk about some of the opportunities my visits gave me to learn about my self and begin to put the pieces together of a very messy jigsaw .. I am glad I did as I dont think I would be here to tell the story if I didnt .

It was so important for me to realise I had a problem but more importantly do something about it . Not that I am qualified in any way but I know that many of us blokes sit on our hands and do nothing as I had done for 4 years .  Living  in a sort of quasi  denial of what is going on . Some of us tend to bottle it up and explode , or implode as was the case with me .

I sometimes thought it wasn't me,  it was  everyone esle,  a bit like sitting on a merry go round watching every one run around in a blurred state and not quite making out who they were until you either waited till it stopped or you jumped and hoped you landed on a safe patch on the ground with out any one seeing you .

I think looking back now I can see how I didn't wan to get off that round about as I was safe there and that I was happy to be going around in circles blaming every thing around and around  and around to ease the pain of what my mind was protecting me from .. So what word does that conjur up .. so easy now ..the V word

V was for " Victim " 

As far as I was concerned the world owed me a favour . I blamed every one and every thing . Had dome probalby for many years of my life . Not realising why , not realising the influences on me as a child and the environment I was in and the behaviours as a young child  were now maturing and flowering ..

I guess the insecurities after my father left me and feeling of abandonment and loss that I had experianced when as s ten year old my main Mlale role model had left .. But now I understand it .. However I probalby still play the victim sometimes .

 It is not a great emotion to have when dealing with depression .

I guess I  have learned over the last 2 years with a lot of help,  to try to not be a victim or play the role of a victim . I realise now how stupid I must have sounded . To me though it is not easy sometimes . We all wish our lives are better . Maybe  some of us obsess and think the wolrd owes us a favour  to which we know it doesn't ..

I would get so obsessed . I was so envious of people and their lives compared to mine . I probably still think about it  but I dont obsess as I used to . I guess I have learned to use a higher emotion

G is for GRACE 

I am probably still maturing in many ways . I am not a victim and try not to play the victim.  No one owes me a favour but when you are in low moods it is easy to drop in to the comfort zone on no acknowledgement  . I would think

"" No one understands what I am  going through . Not even the Psychs of the world ,   all they  know was learned by going  to university and learning  about Phallic symbols , Archetypal models  and how to interpret modern misbehaver by looking at the parental influences of the past . Gee I am smart I studied that at Grad school at  uni so I know what I was  talking about "    Thanks Dr Jung , Thanks Dr Freud ...  

" Wass ist Loss mit Dir ?"

So part of my therapy was to start by looking at what was in my llife .....

Gee what was good in my life ??

ME and everything about me ...

 Think about ..............Victim ----------Grace ----------Yourself  

I am still learning even today and still fall over so please help me up would you if I stumble here to help me reach for the sky

So lets take it  further .. next time .. on a journey back to happiness  

Regards to you all and be kind to your selves all ways

Gary Darbyshire ..

comments here or on my facebok page welcome ...

 Shot of Wollongong ...That's my home

Friday, January 15, 2010

I am choosing to set myself free ..

" Forgive me "

As I continue on my journey to happiness,  I realise now more than ever there are many steps to climb many emotions to manage and many memories to live that ,  I have tried to hide inside me to hold away from my heart and lock away in the darkest recesses of my mind

I feel it is time to release from my life lower level emotions that I have carried around since childhood . One of the most significant of these I feel as my mind ponders is the emotion of :

" forgiveness  "

As I watched the following video, tears streamed down my face in to a puddle in my hand 

 I really need to learn to forgive my self for who I am  , I need to realise the beauty that beholds me . I need to let go of my past to stop playing the victim in this journey . as the video notes it describes Forgiveness in two parts

1.   To release others 

So with that I forgive all those in my my life who I  have held any negative emotion due to any circumstance , event or emotion that has lowered my opinion of you for any reason what so ever . I realise you are souls on your own journey and I should not bring any more disharmony to the world by holding it inside me 

2. and the greater of the two

" To forgive your self for allowing your self to be bound by negative emotions " 

So I will unchain my self and allow my self  to unshackle my own chains that have tied my down for so many years and learn to use this new emotion that ai through my life have locked in a box ....

As I un blurr my eyes to the new world I see in front of me I send blessings to those in the world whom I have held  unforgiving  thoughts, I  hope now that the world I live in will shine as i continue my journey to happiness ...

I forgive you and I forgive my self
I release to the world any negative emotions
I learn to accept things and people for what they are
I learn to love me and fly above all to reach my truth ...

Blessings to all
Mr Gary Darbyshire ...

P.S. I need a macchiatto !!..My mascara is running ....

Please watch the video and you may relate or understand what I  am trying to get across .

Comments always welcome ..

A prayer for those in Haiti ..

Please join in a group prayer for those in Haiti ..

May the Lord shine his light on Haiti and heal those who lay hurt , save those who are sick and comfort those who have lost . Lord We ask you to  bring the strength of the human spirit together as one to help rebuild the hope of the people of Haiti and their loved ones world wide ....


Peace be with you all

Infinite love and gratitude , Love light and healing

Photo By Adrian Gimpel 
a fan here on Journey ..


God bless you all

Sunday, January 10, 2010

“” Depression Repression and Regression I’m ready for it all in 2010 Bring it on !! “”

Amazing how one trigger can hurtle you back to another place and time .. for me it is like a time machine .. I see every thing and feel every thing as It happens .. A little scary .. I am   being careful to reflect carefully and learn from this surreal experience

My blog site is great for this .. but respect must be given at all times , and  after spending time with my Dad after decades of repressed memories .  I am learning how wonderful I am just by being me and not trying to be someone who

“” Seeks approval 


    Needs validation “”

That I need not fear rejection or abandonment and that I have a wonderful caring family and am slowly coming to grips with all my family.  and how for a time there I was in a misconceived world thinking every one was better than me and that I was not as good as them or rich as them or smart as them

You know I am good with all that . My depression has helped me to learn about me !!!!
As my journey continues I would like to take you all back on the main path again ..  
My life path is changing for the first time not to long ago I actually had a clear mind .  I sang and heard my self and I sounded good …  No  I m not going on X factor or Idol or going to try to emulate  Susan Boyle ,  but I think my chorus I  sing with will benefit  by my heart strings not as attached to my vocal chords as they used to be ,,,

There is so much to love about the world I live in . When your depressed or living in a dark place as I was . you don't want  to know or care what others say . for me it was like I was

“” Being

Strangled “”

I think my family thought I had left them and rejected them 

If they only  be they knew what I  was going through may they didn't  may be I wanted to  reach out of the bubble I was in but was comatosed in such a way that I could not rationalise .. could not breathe ..

The more I tried to reach out the
harder my mind fell in on itself

Note to family : 

" I am trying to reach out to you all
with a new understanding  and love for all I have let down " 

Feedback from readers
It is encouraging as I write of my journey that your feedback has been there to keep me going .
  • I had one fan who looked at the irony of my fathers leaving with the fact that her father didn’t .
  • A fan who related to her childhood of abuse
  • A fan who serves in the marine corps and writes truly wonderful dialogue
  • I have enjoyed also other spiritual optimism  given to me and even the promise of hugs from a far
  • One reader who works in the area of counselling was helpful in making me realise how important it is to heal carefully with my memories and made me feel special as a human   ( thank you so much you know who you are )
  • Yes I will be publishing a book . I have 5 prologues and will share snippets with you all through the course of writing   Oh and I have 3 endings or further opportunities for sequels ...  

Any publishers out there   I AM HERE !!! 

My Poetry of 20 years

I have been writing since the age of 15 and have kept a manuscript dating back to 1978 . I intend to share some of my work . I now read it with a whole new perspective given those regressed memories . I wrote then to keep my self

Safe from the fire burning around my mind and helped myself mentally by dousing my mental demons with words of pain to make them go away

So that's what is going on right now .. If you have any feedback please write to me or leave your comments here or on my face book blog ..  Thank you to all of you for staying on the journey with me so far and I look forward to lifting the world spirits in 2010 on my journey back to happiness

God bless you all .... And thank you all for your words of wisdom , kindness and ..

We are blessed to be just who we are ... cherish each breath you take and no matter your belief act from your heart

Sincere regards
Gary Darbyshire
Author , creator : Journey back to Happiness


That's is not me .. My ears a bigger and my tongue hangs out !!!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Appreciate what is right in the World , A kiss, and a video to learn from

When we look at what is right with the world,  rather than what isn't.  We learn to appreciate just how lucky we are to live on this planet .  This morning I woke up tired because of course I had been writing last night and I was tired .  I floated to the coffee machine with out even considering even what time it was . made my morning coffee and then kissed my wife on the forehead .. 

May be I should have taken the time to kiss my wife on the forehead before I even thought about myself . I guess what I am  trying to say is  celebrate first what is right with the world . just celebrate and appreciate just how wonderful she was and how wonderful I was becoming after  listening to my self more .. 

My wife was watching the video I am about to share with you  . I thought another feel good video . thats cool  she was shedding a tear .. and said

"  Gary you have to watch this video ...." 

" So I did  "

The video brought home to me how important my writing really is and now I will write with more purpose and determination . As a sufferer of the D word  . I have had to learn about simple things and how to change something that is in black and white and turn it in to colour if even for a moment ..I  will also kiss my wife more often and thank her for being part of my life

I hope to keep bringing colour to peoples lives.   as the producer of the video below  " Dewitt  Jones"  says

" Find a vision of who we are and where we are going  and keep the vision clear .... and live in to our dreams " 

 What ever your dream on this planet  see all things as potentially beautiful ..

Blessings to you all again .....

Gary Darbyshire .

Celebrate What's Right With The World

Lazarus! - The Resurrected | MySpace Video

The stigma of Mental illness - A video I can relate to ...

 I found this on one of my followers sites on Mental illness awareness . Its somes up so many things  for me . how when I was in a dark place I wondered what people thought of me or if they thought less of me especially my family ,

 Did they understand what I was going through , did they care or understand How I felt . I often thought I was some sort of  absolute nut case !!!!!!  I often had voices in my head making me feel so alone

Mental illness is many things . Its easy to say that now as I am  ok at the moment but I still worry about the stigma I have attached to me at times and wonder if I will ever feel be fully accepted by  every one else in my family,,,

But you know  I wouldnt change me for any one . I think my family understand me a little better now and if they don't well  its not my problem any way  ..

Bless you all ..

If one of you gets this then  thats one less stigma to worry about in the world ..

Blessings to all of you especially my family .. yep all of you .. in laws included ...most specially 

Friday, January 8, 2010

inspirational interlude 4

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves; "Who am I to be brilliant..talented...fabulous?" Who are you not to be? ... Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.... It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. 

Mariane Williamson 

" A course in Miracles " 

I love this passage ..
Gary .
..  comments ??

Blessings ...

Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.

- Pope John XXIII

Peace be with all of you if only for a moment in your day ..
Give you soul  a moment to look at where you are in your journey to happiness,,,,,,,,

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Happy new year to all my followers !!!!!!! " Im back !!!

I have been a way over the festive season and have stayed away from the online world albeit a sneak peak at a resort town   Cafe where for a few minutes I  sneaked a peak ..

I have just spent 14 days camping in a beautiful place called Nelsons Bay about 2 hours north of Sydney in New South Wales Australia ..

It was a time to

"  Soak my soul in salty water to heal a few old wounds "

I also had my Dad with me and my family for several days .. Relaxing  near the beach or just walking on the sand we wee able to be at one with each other in a relaxed way , We allowed ourselves to talk about the more candid things in both our lives such as who we had loved who we had lost and how we had now both found happiness in our lives .

( Why I have not written part three of the renunin post  yet  ) 

I have received some heart warming comments and offers of Hugs from places as far flung as Wales , Norway and France  . it is pleasing to  know my words are bringing some happiness to you and feel extremely flattered and humbled by all of you regarding the reunion posts

 I believe  I  should use caution and respect in my writing while understanding the power of my emotions and memories and the impact both on myself and I would imagine others reading these blogs may also relate to some of the postings as I have had a few messages sent to me relating in different ways from you .

I have much to write and after a 2 week break whcih included lots of love form all my family I will begin my journey with you all again ..


May God Bless your souls in 2010 and may his angels sprinkle golden dust of fortune upon you all for your year ahead ... Love to all and happy journeys your souls may take ...

Blessings for 2010


Journey back to happiness

Would love to hear you r commnets  your commnents  or suggestions below to help me enhance your experiance ... why not say something ..  in comments below

infinate love and gratitude to al of you .....Gary 

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