Sunday, December 6, 2009

Secrets ...

Have a look at the video then we will discuss 

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

Secrets ?? Why do we keep them and are we happier for having them ???

I saw this on face book on a link from a  friend of mine , As curious as I was I watched it ..

Why do we hide things in our mind we have done or how we feel ?    What does it really say about us on our journey to happiness . I am sure we all have secrets .  They are kind of our special little part of our  mind to where we go to live out our fantasies or imagine .  Secrets are also things we may be doing or have done to make our selves feel better about who we are .   Secrets also allow us to hide behind them and also give  us a sense of power over some one else


but who are we really kidding here ??

Why say to some one you love them only hurl abuse at them in the next breathe .  Some times we are as hypocritical . We sit in judgment of others in this place .  How often do you hear  people say

" I am not Racist but " .....
" I really like her but "
" I m not jealous "

How often do you hear some one talk about some one elses situation which makes you feel awkward and instead of respecting your beliefs and morals you nod your head in approval when   " Secretly " you totally disapprove ..


"""  I would always seek approval for things I did in my life . I was always jealous of other members of my family for what they had . My self pity in my depression was disgusting . I used to think Why not me , I always looked at my self lower on the scale of life .  I always used to paint my self as a caring human being and had a front full of charm .. but my stupid  ego always made me keep it a secret to how I really felt .. ""

I am not perfect .  Secretly I hoped that my two masters degrees would give me better status in my family . I secretly hoped I would be more loved if I  had more credibiity . I thought if I was percieved to be smarter I would be liked more and respected more and would be up there with them . ( How wrong !!!!!)

 I would think look at them how successful , look at their things look at my  my crap  life .  I guess sometimes even using a forum like this one I am able to hide behind a screen and not face up to the real world I live in and lack of real friends I have. May be I dont have many real friends and yearn for approval and reward by looking for approval in what ever way I can get i t!!!

 I guess secrets did not help me in my life they just acted as a mask for how i ws feeling a sort of justifiable way of existing by justifying all that I ............



I learned through my therapy that living like this was not the way to go . i learned that my life was how it was .,That I should be grateful for all the wonderful things in my life . I had to look in to my self and take a good look at what was really important to me ..

One thing stuck out ..

The  only way I was going to move forward in my life and shake this black dog was to learn to love me for every thing my soul had taught me . To understand it was ok to be who I was and not be some one else or to try to emulate them  . To pass judgment on family or others because of who they were or weren't .

That it was ok  to love me .

But I needed to deflect feelings of    

false emotions

We are humans or should I say we are spirits having a human experience ..We should be more accepting of others and listen to our selves a little more .  Listen to our souls and  say

Do I really mean that when I say ....  ???

Learn to listen , to love and appreciate your own reason for being 

Gary Darbyshire 
2009 (c) 

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