Wednesday, December 23, 2009

back to the future ... my 2nd post ever way back when


Andrea Bocelli -One of my vehicles of calm ...

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Before we talk more about just the how, why and who and what... I want to share a few things about my love of things spiritual and how they have helped me along the way...


Some times during my days of bleakness and darkness I often sought the solace of music and the words that meant I could escape from reality. It was like a pill to ease my pain. I would gravitate to soulful stuff. As a writer I am often drawn to exciting lyrics. However in a depressed state you don’t really care about much at all in fact all the things you normally love you turn away from... For me music was a constant source of quick fixes in small doses....


It was something I didn’t have an active role in except for listening and allowing a one way feed in to my battered and bruised mind... (More on that later)... I found sad things appealing... strange that sad things made me happy in a strange sort of Emo way (nOT)...


Andrea Bocelli was something I was drawn to late at night when everyone was in bed and it was me verses the deafening conflicts which bombarded my mind at times pushing and pulling... they say music tames the savage beast ..


I would listen to sad stuff and cry ... I would wonder why God had chosen me to pour out the dirty water on me! I though what had I done in A previous life ... I just kept fighting it inside... I would have terrible mood swings ., many times yelling at my ever so living family ... half the time I would not realise why and after a crazed day where all I did was yell at every one about nothing I would sit at my desk and sink in to a little dark cave and wonder where is the light ..

I started to listen to my mind sometimes and would listen to music. If one or a few songs helped me at times the word to the following song helped me.... I guess the words helped soothe the aches and pain my poor poor soul was trying to cover with an emotional bandage...


The following song “Go where Love goes” is symbolic of my heart trying to reach out to me to love my self ... God knows I didn’t realty care!!! God knows I needed to feel over from myself.... sometimes the tears just flowed when i was alone... I felt ashamed , unworthy and like I really was not in the mod for life at all ,, thank fully after drying my eyes I wood sometimes put this song on and try to listen though many times crying along to the words but after a little while I was ok again ready to fight another demon inside ,,,




and   " Go where love goes " ..................................................

And when you feel the world is against you   sing along to it ............

Merry Christmas every one





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