Saturday, November 7, 2009

mean while back on the journey

Now where were we??


So far I have rambled a bit here and there, the nature of this blog is so That I may share my experiences on this journey. You may feel you might want to go back and have a look at a few things along the way... Feel free to do this  "First Post I have written "

http://journeytohappiness-darbz.blogspot.com/2009/10/first-post.html


Now , How long do I think I have been living with this so called depression thing sitting dormant n the back of my mind ready to pounce on me unexpectedly ? Gee you know my life just like yours has had many experiences... So what triggered it...? My Psychologist (Oh look an admission) and I spoke a great deal about my childhood..., my relationships... I will refer to my Psych as Dr Katz to protect the innocent. Though some believe that he is real and have asked me for his number "Now that scary! We have spoken about events in my life that trigger me to react .. Write that word down


"  REACT "




As this is a Blog and not a book yet I will treat it as such and spare some of the details however when published many of these ideas will be expanded . If I have learned any thing on my journey so far it has been hoe to not to react .. Dr Katz spoke to me at length about personalities in my life and probably heard a few personalities in me at times ,,,


You know  the first big thing I did was


Acknowledge



Acknowledgment ot me was a like opening up a door  of a very old  and run down house lghting a match to see what was in there and proceeding to sort out eveything and putting it in order .

Acknowledging made me upset too

I  thought  , I want sick I was fine  I am cool with this low mood stuff , its not like its all the time .  Couldnt be furthee  from the truth , and realised a few sessions in or couple of weeks that I had been feeling this way for quite a long time ,,   I was a little and though what would people think of me . . i thought most people looked at me and thought very little any way given hoe my life had turned out and was allways wary around family .


In my eyes

I  was allways looking for approval for every thng and couldnt figure out why .. I thought who would listen to me any way . I was after all at the bottom of the famly in Status and was often reminded I looked at me as the one who never  amounted to any thing great like others had .. or the one who during arguments someting

Sometimes

He said why
She said Who cares
He said Sorry
She said
Dont Bother
He said I love you
She said
You dont Love you
He said Who cares


copyright  (c)  Gary Darbyshire  2009 ..

A song I used to sing to myself when sad .....in four part harmony





Blessings till next time ... comments appreciated

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