Sunday, November 1, 2009

4 seasons in my mind ,,,

I would wake up sometimes  in bed sometimes and think It will be a good day today . I would make a cuppa and look at my day ahead . i would think i ma good nothing wrong with me .. I would kiss my wife and say hi to my children as we scurried aro8nd getting organised for the day of school and work ...

Some days were like this ... Sunny bright . my soul in control guiding me to where I neeeded to be .. then there was one little thing some one said or did and all of a sudden the heavens opened with such a shudder  ans as I have explained my mind would fill up and over flow with thought and emotions ..

This was before  I even acknowledged any thing was remotely wrong ... Thats a whole chapter on its own . Remind me to tell you all about it .. It will open your eyes as much as it did mine ..

 My mind would thrash and writhe in pain and the only way I knew how t odeal with it was to REACT !!!

I was a fool an absolute fool . a boofhead . I could hear what  I was saying to my loved ones about the most small things .. shame on me ..  When you have a down day no one is your friend in your eyes and you become a victim of your own self pity ...

As far as I was concerned I was right ,. my poor poor wife Yolanda . a soul that lived beside me every step of the way ..  in the end  all I could dio is break down and cry , cry for attention , cry for love , cry to God to figure out what and why I was carrying on this way so out of character ..

The day would go by and my focus at work was a different one .. my mind raced 1000 miles an hour yearning for more and wondering why things were not moving forward for me as they should be after  all Here I was with a double masters for God sake why was I still in the same position !!!!

Drained by the energy rush i would come home nackered  .. couldn't figure it out like all the leaved had fallen form my branches ... and the the cycle calmed down ...

seasons were in one day .. A bit like riding a tram around  Melbourne all day hanging on to the door and  catching the change in weather as it through it self at you at every tram stop ..

Why ?????? well thats next .........

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