Friday, October 30, 2009

How do my moods swing to low gear ??? A rational approach ...

So have you ever wondered what goes through people’s heads sometimes ?


Why do  we behave in a somewhat erratic fashion at times? Why do we call our loved one name or hurl abuse for no apparent reason at who ever will listen to us? Where does it come from? Is it some kind of decript power trip our soul embarks on to right size itself to better understand the purpose of being in our physical being . is it testing our ego to see just where the balance is …

I don’t know. All I know is for a while there many times I as not in full control of who I was and what verbal stoushes I was having inside my mind between my heart and soul and my you beaut ego …

Lets visualise this for a moment … Imagine if you will one thought about something in your mind’s eye .. Ok?? Now add another thought at the same time , just let it run and let and let it run through the same initial thought . Now add another thought ,,, and do the same … Now add another … and run that thought through all the others . Are you still thinking straight ???? . add another few till you are dicing around seven or so thoughts and trying to manage the process .

Now lets make it interesting … Add the emotion of Guilt .. ok good ,,,, now add self pity ,,,, keep letting them flow through the seven thoughts as they kind of bump in to each other Now a bit more colour .

Add feelings like hate , unworthy , hopeless , unloved , envy , humility , shame , …. Get the picture it is like a blender in you mind with total chaos of unreason ability ..


That’s what it felt like for me when I was in confused low mood sometimes ....  



It was hard to reason with seven things going through your mind. Any trigger would make it worse.. Sometimes I didn’t know why I said things I guess I just reacted ,, I found myself totally spent .. I was totally not in control ….

The saddest thing for me to which even now I grapple with as I try to repair things is the people I love probably copped the most. I know they don’t understand how my mind works and I am sure they probably thought … here he goes on another mood swing of victim status or attention grabbing ,,, But what really hurts is that my heart just ached for love .. the sort of love that may be nurtures a young child to make them feel safe again …

Just a little love ……. Just a little love …



The truth is with out me loving me , how could I expect any one else to even care about me…….




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